Extremism is not unique to our society. Almost extremism is manifested in everyway (more or less) in our surroundings. There are many historical parallel to extremism. Similar, is the case with domestic violence and patriarchy and only women have been victims of this extremism. Although this topic is not new alot has been written on it. What I believe is No Matter What! The power of ideas and words can not be negated.
میں اپنے حصے کآ دیا جلا کے رکھوں گی
اور یہ میری ایک ادنی سی کوشش ہے
So,extremism is there in every sphere of life. Patriarchy being one of them. It is the utmost manifestation of extremism. In this text story I'm not going to highlight any new issue but will highlight that how supporting extremism can lead to many different exploitation and this needs to stop. Let's see this in a real life story of woman who was a victim of extremism and how her life could have been changed if extremism would be stopped.
In my village pretty Fatima born into a family who love her like a princess. She was tall, young, beautiful and educated. The moment her parents realized this. They started finding rishta for her. The man (Hassan) was selected on the basis of having land. He was uneducated but a known landlord of the village. She got married in a family where there was patriarchal setup. As time passed, Fatima didn't get any financial support from her husband whenever she demands was brutally beaten.
She talked to her mother-in-law about this in reply she said:
مرد کبھی غلط نہیں ہو سکتا اور نہ ہی اس میں سے نقص نکالتے ہیں ۔ تم ہی غلط ہوگی۔
It was worthless talking to her in laws. Fatima asked Hassan that she should start doing job. Hassan slapped her by saying
تم سوچ بھی کیسے سکتی ہو ایسے۔
عورت گھر میں رکھنے کے لئے ہوتی ہے۔لوگ کیا کہیں گے کہ بیوی کے پیسے پے پل رہا ہے۔
They had kids, Hassan himself don't have job and also have no guilt of not performing any of his responsibility.
وہ اس خومار میں تھا کہ ایک پڑھی لکھی لڑکی اسکے حکم کی غلام ہے۔ اور یہ عزاز صرف اسکے پاس ہے پورے گاوں میں ۔
He blamed Fatima for everything. On day Fatima left the house and went to her mother's house where her sister-in-law said her:
ایک بار شادی ہوجائےتو اس گھر سے میت ہی واپس آتی ہے ۔ شوہر مارے پیٹے بات آپس کی ہوتی ہے ویسے بھی بیوی غلط ہو تو ہی شوہر مارتا ہے ۔
One day her mother died. She was sent back to her house where Hassan was waiting for her to satisfy his anger that how could his wife oppose him? Him who is a big name of village. He said
تم میرے خلاف کیسے گئیں؟
Hasaan took more work than Fatima's capacity after this incident.Where she failed to perform duties Hassan beat her to death and let her sleep outside the house without blanket in the cold night and next day his father appreciate by saying
ایسی کلموہی کو ایسے ہی رکھا جاتا ہے۔
عورت پاوں کی جوتی ہوتی ہے، جو پاوں میں ہی اچھی لگتی ہے ۔
اور جوتی چاہے جتنی مرضی دفعہ بدل لو۔
This led him (Hassan) to think that marrying another girl would be best to talk revenge from fatima for opposing him.
Instead of fulfilling his children's needs and wife's demand he married another girl. Whenever fatima ask him to fulfil need of children he reply her
!تمھارے بچے ہیں یہ فاطمہ
مجھے تم سے کوئی غرض نہیں
She demanded divorce and was criticized as
آزاد تو میں تمہیں نہیں کروں گا۔یہ میری توہین ہے کہ پڑھی لکھی لڑکی سنبھالی نہیں گئ ۔
After this Fatima was called
Kalmohi Phati (کلموہی پھاتی) in her village which led her to depression. Her story was told to little children as a buri cheez and was tortured for opposing her husband. Ladies of village come to her and said
اے کلموہی!شوہر مجازی خدا ہوتا ہے اسکے خلاف نہیں جاتے۔ اس سے معافی مانگ لے ورنہ آخری خراب ہو گی تیری ۔
After listening to the heartbreaking comments and response from society Fatima suffered so much mental trauma which led to her committing suicide
Now! for a minute if we think
Is this really a suicide or a murder of a girl with dreams just unacceptable to society due to sick mentality of people?
What if Fatima was married to an educated man?
Who is responsible for her suicide?
Who is responsible for worst life of her children?
What is the fault of those little angels?
Why everytime women is victim of extremism?
Why everytime gender is the reason?
Why everytime the voice of lady is repressed?
Why she's not given equal opportunity?
Why society doesn't accept her ideology while religion have given her right?
The situation and incident like this is not new. The ratio of this type of incident is more in inside (androon) Pakistan which is 8/10. These situations led females to rise a Movement Feminism. The concept of feminism is to demand gender equality, and equal opportunities. But due to extremism this is understood wrongly the recent example of this is Aurat March it is just due to Extremism. It gave new colour to Feminism which is hating men. It is not about hating men. It is fight against patriarchy, misogyny, and toxic masculinity. It is fight for all.
Feminism failed at the point to ensure opportunities for women and rise hate for men which is also extremism. This type of incident happens where people are still illiterate ( in the villages, qasbas and tehsils) where uneducated people still believe in Patriarchal extremism.
The children who will grown up in this kind of environment would become extremist.
If at the time of Wedding Fatima could marry an educated man who could understand why is she asking for job as it is said:
شوہر اور بیوی گاڑی کے دو پہیوں کی مانند ہوتے ہیں ۔
Education can make someone responsible. And could save life of mant Fatima's of our society. Education can stop extremism.
SPREAD EDUCATION, STOP EXTREMISM !!
But sometimes education do fails to stop extremism because the maine problem is with the thinking of Desi Men.I have also seen educated like highly educated men doing such things. It's time for parents to teach there son that oder gender exist and have it's own rights.Which our religion has also given.Aurat other than his biwi is a complete individual who can take decisions for herself.
Extremism give rise to more and more extremist which is not good for a developing society.
Change Your Thinking, Stop Supporting Extremism!!